tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29296632540623908452011-07-07T17:22:10.847-04:00Meh.Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.comBlogger871100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-60815033999115886602010-02-28T22:44:00.006-05:002010-02-28T22:52:28.099-05:00

Son #2 finally arrived, on Feb. 23rd, around 3:45 pm. He's a bit of angel, and a bit monster, like us all, but cuter than the mean. Certainly cuter than me. I won't talk about that too much, except to say that baby and mother are doing fine, and we're all home, happy, and sleep-deprived.Perhaps you hadn't noticed, but I did take some time off over the last little while. Blogging just seemed so...

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-85435126462305454482009-08-13T18:23:00.002-04:002009-08-14T10:25:59.412-04:00

Les Paul Died today.ThinFast is leaving for a couple years, and this makes me very sad. She was my favorite work-friend-who-is-a-girl-but-only-in-a-totally-platonic-way-honey-i-swear. I'm sure there is a word for that in German. She refers to me as her "work husband".Ironman, my brother-from-another-mother, having cast his eyes longingly to the West for many years now, has finally caved, and

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-78318894276391218912009-07-30T13:32:00.005-04:002009-07-30T14:16:15.373-04:00

Where am I, you ask? That this call to action should awake me from my slumber and renew the vital juices of my pallid, hunkering muse; this is your wish, is it?I picture this deviceful anthropomorphism as a sort of shriveled salamander, crouching blind by some bio-luminescent underground lake, awaiting only the siren call of Yog-Sothoth to manifest a magnificent rebirth. No sound penetrates the

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-88126721314815519582009-03-24T09:20:00.004-04:002009-03-24T10:01:57.654-04:00

ThinFast is headed to Vegas this week, for reasons entirely unconnected with CTIA. And next week, IronMan tags along with Pow for reasons that are CTIA-related.I don't know why you would even care, or what would impel me to write about that, but there it is.Son has, of late - but wherefore I know not - lost all mirth, foregone all custom of exercise. He's never been an enthusiastic scholar, but

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-7444996034093609492009-02-18T07:25:00.002-05:002009-02-18T07:26:24.496-05:00

"The day started out as uneventfully as any other, and continued thus to midday and from there it was nothing at all to ease into an evening of numbing, undiluted monotony that survived unmarred by even the least act of momentary peculiarity-in fact, let's skip that day altogether and start with the day after."-- Jon Starr

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-36983173707632392672009-02-12T22:12:00.006-05:002009-02-18T07:17:54.241-05:00

O, for the joys of higher education. Wife stopped by Son's school today to pick up The Report Card, and arrived home in tears after talking with the teachers, who feel he needs to be "evaluated" by an Ergotherapist.Evaluated? (Visions of hot lights and uncomfortable probes danced in my head.) Ergotherapist? What the hell, they want to make him more ergonomic? Improve his posture? Does he have

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-58232384632752961002009-01-03T21:28:00.004-05:002009-01-03T22:16:40.623-05:00

In the lead-up to xmas, I could see the fever of avarice burning like a cinder behind my spawn's eyes, alongside the twin spark of Christmas Magic. On the one hand, this was a season of joy and love, and decorations, and angels, and Baby Jesus, etc. On the other hand, PRESENTS! I WANT MORE PRESENTS! WILL WE HAVE MORE PRESENTS TOMORROW DADDY? It was this promise of Christmas Magic, brought to you

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-52294864211909755642008-12-11T21:36:00.007-05:002009-02-12T22:10:37.479-05:00

Huh. Yeah, it's been a while, and it's likely to be another while, or maybe even two. So here's the bullet points - the highlights, if you will - of my Awesome Rise To Power (as foretold in revelations, movie rights optioned to Universal):- Wife is pregnant. Which is AWESOME. Well, it's awesome for me, but she's going through hell. Hospitals and everything. So I guess it kind of blows. I'm

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-52408054059903763442008-09-04T16:15:00.005-04:002008-09-04T16:19:29.750-04:00

Well, I went and did it. I bought another guitar. Am I addicted? Is it time for an intervention? What am I, crazy? Stupid?Yeah, okay, I walked into that one.Still, it’s a pretty sweet axe and all. No way will my loving wife, indulgent of my multitude of vicissitudes and eccentricities though she may be, allow me to ever buy a third one, surely? Only one way to find out, I guess...FYI, For they

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-82305245554360250122008-08-23T15:25:00.004-04:002008-08-23T15:31:43.832-04:00

Well, it has finally come to pass, as foretold in Revelations. Ironman and Goldilocks have had IronBoy. No names or details on this blog, other than that it's a boy. Of course all of our love goes out to them, and I hope everything goes smoothly.In case you missed it, The Directrix also popped one off a short while back, and she and her little family are doing well.It really almost amounts to

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-59550693864440539022008-06-15T12:03:00.004-04:002008-06-15T12:13:53.888-04:00

Big, big news. HUGE news! Son lost his second tooth this week, which officially makes him twice as grown-up as before (yikes!).This change has been characterized recently by some frank and open discussion on beer, babies, and the causal relationship between the two, as well as several other thorny subjects from out the dark heart of that haunted, grown-up province.Also, there is a tendency of

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-83881038307447785052008-05-13T09:42:00.004-04:002008-05-13T09:56:39.834-04:00

Since I'm always looking for more people to tell me what to do, how to act, and what to think, I was intrigued by this list of 1001 must-read fiction titles. And since anything that's vaguely interesting to me is bound to be earth-shatteringly life-altering for you, I share it with you now.More lists: - 100 essential Jazz albums- The Thousand "best" films of all time (I will save you the cruel

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-62256373411068491352008-05-07T22:44:00.008-04:002008-05-08T08:03:52.623-04:00

Deliberate stupidity is something of a hobby of mine, or I like to pretend it is. When I can't honestly blame my behavior on public drunkenness, it sometimes serves my purposes to feed the furnace of your convictions, and buttress your appreciation of my nincompoopery.Here then, for your edification and amusement, a rogue's gallery of false-false-meta-sub-meta-stupidity, a platter of crudités,

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-55915553817705951922008-05-06T18:17:00.006-04:002008-05-11T08:41:34.951-04:00

Isabella Rossellini is endowed with a universal hotness that transcends age, gender, or sexual orientation. Which is how I know that you, perverted little monkey that you are, will be excited to discover her recent forays into insectophile pornography. Titled "Green Porno", it's apparently a commentary on something or other. You know, the beauty of nature, purity of the insect's libidinous urges

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-73208843510233869042008-04-22T14:48:00.004-04:002008-04-22T14:52:02.569-04:00

Really interesting article on memory training and the human brain over on Wired. My favorite quote: We master the stories, the schemas, the frameworks, the paradigms; we rehearse the lingo; we swim in the episteme...."Swim in the epicene"? Awesome.

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-46392846606406371772008-04-22T13:03:00.003-04:002008-04-22T14:52:56.872-04:00

Son (aged 4) lost his first tooth yesterday (I'm so proud)! So last night we sent the tooth fairy an email together, and wrote a little note and stuck it to his door.And in the morning was a shiny new dollar, and a thank-you letter from the tooth fairy, extolling the virtues of flossing, and encouraging continued good will toward members of the professional order of dental hygienists.But what

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-26010248642333411672008-04-19T09:23:00.002-04:002008-04-19T09:24:54.858-04:00

Here's another nibble: Pulp Fiction, as written by William Shakespeare.

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-5305915707679705752008-04-18T14:36:00.000-04:002008-04-18T14:37:26.560-04:00

Stephen Fry has a freakin' BLOG.

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-24892679548275769602008-04-17T10:31:00.005-04:002008-04-17T10:56:16.085-04:00

The annoying thing about a personal blog... okay, let me start over.One of the many irritations about a personal blog is that you don't really know who you're writing for (besides yourself, I mean). I can't start writing like everyone on the internet's going to read this crap. Nor can I assume that no one will read it. It is weirdly, simultaneously private and public, riding a strange

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-66710061128174862972008-03-25T22:24:00.008-04:002008-03-25T23:14:07.592-04:00

The other day I was hanging out in front of PerpetualStartup with a couple of schmucks from work, and a homeless guy wanders by, asking for change. Now I'm as conservative and intolerant as the next guy. I largely see the homeless as a longish-term solution to the problem of dwindling food supply, à la Soylent Green, but I gave this guy a couple bucks. "For food", he said. Whatever. My

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-42454621131272448172008-03-21T22:11:00.003-04:002008-03-21T23:00:23.513-04:00

Well it's Good Friday, and you know what that means. This is the happy time of year when zombie Jebus rises from the grave and rides o'er the land on his fanged, winged, slavering Dark Mount, the Easter Bunny, and delivers chocolate eggs and marshmallow peeps (a traditional Etruscan delicacy) to all the good Christian boys and girls. Then a month from now he'll do it all again, only this time in

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-21941780891632019772008-03-17T09:00:00.002-04:002008-03-25T23:11:05.368-04:00

Stereotype me, I'm Irish!Your Leprechaun Name Is:Fluffy PotfillerWhat's Your Leprechaun Name?

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-42767670528879406272008-03-09T11:34:00.008-04:002008-03-09T15:57:08.536-04:00

One of the other things we talked about at dinner the other night, was Boxer and K's film, which I had seen at that conference thingy. I can't really do it justice, but my most constructive criticism consisted of "Needs more car chases. Also explosions".Anyway, that film, wonderful as it was, is not the subject of today's post. Today's post is about the most amazing seventeen minutes in recent (

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-19341086401585468812008-03-08T10:23:00.007-05:002008-03-08T11:01:29.902-05:00

It started out innocently enough. Ironman got a new Indian cookbook. And it snowballed into a delicious couple of unpronounceable dishes that we scarfed along with The Directrix, Boxer, BigKid and K. Awesome.At some point, during a moment of uncontrollable laughter, I tooted. Not a long, smelly, epic fart by any means, but noticeable. Sad to say, that was pretty much the apex of my erudition for

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-13173990620589981482008-03-02T11:14:00.006-05:002008-03-02T15:58:30.057-05:00

Yeah, it's been a while. A couple times I almost came back and tried to write something, but then The Fear would stop me. It's been so long, what if I can't pull it out anymore? What if I suck? My mind is a blank, what will I write?Well, I'm tired of caring, so I'm just gonna wing it.A warrior lyricist of my acquaintance had recent cause to lament an urban development project that threatens a bit

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-15884674292190464962008-01-30T17:07:00.001-05:002008-03-07T09:21:36.404-05:00

No, I haven't forgotten you. I've just been really busy. Frantic really. Okay no, not really. Just lazy. Too lazy to form complete sentences, even. But I saw this thing today. A quote. From Umberto Eco, who's my favorite author of all time ever, and if he's not yours, well then talk to the hand. What's that? Nabokov? Okay, I forgive you. Anyway:"A democratic civilization will save itself only if

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-7976489770787014972008-01-18T14:36:00.001-05:002008-11-12T21:24:00.518-05:00

I blogged a while back about some Greenpeace scheme to stop Japanese whaling by naming a humpback. They were asking the "community" to vote on the name of their new cetacean friend. Well, the results are in and, yes friends, MISTER SPLASHY PANTS has won the day! In celebration, I invite you to hug your nearest tree.Why is Mr. Splashy Pants wearing a diaper? Are those his PANTS? His ... splashy

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-25157327411192029092008-01-16T14:17:00.000-05:002008-01-16T14:41:15.086-05:00

My brother recently bought one of them newfangled iPhones. For a while he couldn't stop yammering on about its revolutionary features, like lack of SMS and no camera. One of the selling points of the iPhone is the multi-touch feature which, capacitive touch-sensing geek-rhetoric aside, basically allows you to control the device by touching the screen. The oh-so-special part is that you can touch

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-90786407607480071452008-01-14T18:02:00.000-05:002008-01-14T18:37:06.186-05:00

Sorry, no Christmas post. I had something lined up about how the war against Christmas parallels the War On Drugs, the War On Terrorism, and is really an expression of North American societal self-loathing, but I just couldn't pull it together. God I'm pathetic.At some point, amidst the unwrapping, the face-stuffing, the food coma and credit card bills, my guitar arrived. Santa shipped it direct

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-67319085957518406742007-12-21T20:05:00.000-05:002007-12-28T11:50:52.128-05:00

False Alarm. I've actually quit smoking. Cold Turkey. It's been about a month now, and the cravings have somewhat subsided to a dull throbbing, on the level of getting a tattoo, piercing, or sexually transmitted disease. Still, I persist, out of an unsubstantiated, vague feeling that it'll be worth it.I miss smoking. I rather enjoyed it, and it gave me an excuse to get out of the office, or the

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-4431292321950010522007-12-19T13:46:00.000-05:002007-12-28T11:48:59.047-05:00

Where is it? (For long-time readers)

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-11878255503261340002007-12-14T07:58:00.000-05:002008-11-12T21:24:00.620-05:00

Ironman doubts my commitment. He thinks I can't do it. He thinks I'll bail, or lose interest, and in his defense, he has solid historical evidence to back up his claim.To you, Ironman, I say: Suck it.

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-54307953900537727682007-12-14T07:00:00.000-05:002008-11-12T21:24:01.012-05:00

"MORE!", I hear you scream, as we crest this foothill on our climb to the peaks of math-metaphor ecstasy. Let us then ponder the infinite, O willing and supple pupil:The constant pi, denoted π, is defined as the ratio of a circle's circumference C to its diameter d. You probably already knew that.But pi turns up in a surprising number of places. It rears its head in the cosmological constant,

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-7414742481215548102007-12-13T10:11:00.000-05:002008-11-12T21:24:01.175-05:00

There are a number of interesting (to me) opportunities for parallel between the pure abstract world of Mathematics, and the messy, sensual worlds of philosophy, art and thought. Like all parallels, they tend to converge toward infinity. Of course we can't just jump right into this feast of parallax without building up to it with a little digestif. So, by way of a cheese platter (and there may be

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-64360657312235219902007-12-10T09:48:00.000-05:002007-12-10T11:08:03.701-05:00

So thirty-odd years ago today, I was thrust, cold, naked and crying into the world. I'm told it was a Monday morning, after seventeen hours of labour, followed by a Caesarean, due to my freakishly large head.In observance of this momentous day, I give you The Birthday List. It's meme-tastic!The rules:1. Go to Wikipedia2. In the search box, type your birth month and day but not the year.3. List

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-80321090631117541792007-12-06T09:45:00.000-05:002007-12-11T15:52:14.411-05:00

A "Paper Tiger" is something that seems a lot more threatening than it actually is. In 1956, Chairman Mao introduced this poetic Chinese imagery to the English language, comparing the U.S. to a paper tiger, "unable to withstand the wind and rain".He suggested that allegedly "imperialist" states, such as the U.S. and Russia, had a tendency to overextend themselves on the international stage,

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-34842251660098072572007-12-04T12:42:00.000-05:002007-12-04T12:58:53.904-05:00

On July 4th, 1934, Marie Curie, two-time Nobel laureate, discoverer (discoveress?) of Polonium and Radium, and pioneer in the research of radioactivity, succumbed to aplastic anemia due to her lifelong exposure to harmful ionizing radiation. She dedicated her life to scientific exploration, the thirst for knowledge, and the betterment of mankind.In our time, this is how we explore the unknown.For

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-17296246054937439812007-12-04T09:26:00.001-05:002007-12-04T12:57:54.750-05:00

What the hell is up with the ee cummings orthography? No capitalization, no punctuation. Do you think that makes you an artist? And how is that better than PEOPLE WHO SHOUT ALL THE TIME BY TYPING IN ALL-CAPS? Why is one acceptable, and the other, not?Still, I guess if your muse is so controlling as to dictate the use of capitalization and punctuation, then you must obey. But just be aware that

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-9565950949345633822007-12-03T17:50:00.001-05:002007-12-03T18:19:51.147-05:00

Droolinglabialdwarf-knuckled homunculusdefeated, spirit brokencan still press a buttonfor his foodHalf blindhairlesswounded by the worst of usshivering in the cornerI still see the untamedheart in himAnd Inaiveindignant and well-meaningloose the ties, unhook the latchcrack the door and show himto be freeNo sightbut caughtthe scent of winter's promiseall unknowing, nothingcould hold back his

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-65189064481473553902007-12-02T14:01:00.000-05:002007-12-02T14:19:23.360-05:00

Behind the curve as usual, I took a whack at the belief-o-matic, you know, because it takes a website to tell me my place in the cosmos, to tell me what I believe. I was raised Roman Catholic (sort of), got first-communioned and confirmed, went to Sunday school, learned my stations of the cross and all that. So I kind of expected that to be reflected in the results.What actually happened is that

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-42324613635284724242007-12-01T22:28:00.000-05:002007-12-02T14:28:12.189-05:00

I recently told the 14-year old daughter of a close friend: "There are only two emotions that men are allowed to admit to: Amusement and Anger. If a guy talks to you about feelings other than these, he's probably in love with you."Of course I delivered this in a sort of semi conspiratorial "don't tell anyone I told you this deep dark secret" - kind of way. I'm sure she didn't believe a word of it

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-661163758623172442007-12-01T21:35:00.000-05:002007-12-01T22:17:27.637-05:00

You were so much easier to talk towhen I didn't know you.Easier still to drinkand laugh within that quiet burgeoning,dawn of friendshipBut all become,once friends,now heroes,role-models,teachers and mastersAnd now I must keepa respectful distanceand look Eastand wait for another sun.

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-54254454463751295012007-11-30T09:24:00.000-05:002007-11-30T09:33:03.371-05:00

Alaskan Airlines and Horizon Air are pitching a 10% discount on flights booked through their website. The catch? This discount is only available when you book through the special (not to say "segregated") gay-friendly section of their website.From WorldNetDaily:Bryan Fischer, of the Idaho Values Alliance, told WND the company boasts of its "nondiscrimination" policies, but, "here they are

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-12309241921572150942007-11-29T16:47:00.001-05:002007-11-30T09:23:37.234-05:00

Erin's going to kill me, but check out these outrageous, hilarious, politically-incorrect ads from the "bad old days" of glaring gender stereotyping.Men: "They weren't that bad".Women: "They aren't that old".I'm always taken by surprise at this kind of thing, firstly that anyone can look at this and see the humor, and secondly that anyone can look at this and not.Time sure does a number on

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-1331632734608760092007-11-27T10:28:00.000-05:002008-11-12T21:24:01.491-05:00

Who says eco-activists are a humorless lot? Greenpeace is crowdsourcing the naming of whales travelling something called the "Great Whale Trail". Of the list of 30 names, twenty nine appear to be some computer-generated random phonetic babble. Japanese for "little love", or Arabic for "star", or Swahili for "hippy" or something. Those granola-crunchers love the Swahili. Anyway, the one name that

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-67710555394761225402007-11-27T08:59:00.000-05:002007-12-01T22:28:16.385-05:00

Did you ever play with Silly Putty™ as a kid? Silly Putty is a bizarre polymer, and seems to like switching back and forth from gooey almost-liquid to bouncy almost-solid. But like most polymers, it has a transition temperature at which its physical properties change. In this case, there is a glass transition temperature Tg, below which Silly Putty will behave like glass, and shatter instead of

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-84834270382706351862007-11-19T17:21:00.000-05:002007-11-27T08:58:41.360-05:00

I'm not a trend-setter, not a leader, not a frame of reference, or a role model. I don't innovate, I copy. I implement other people's great ideas. I plagiarize shamelessly. Well okay, there's some shame, but not a lot.So here's a riff on Boxer's non-meme, who got it from a friend, who got it from a friend, etc. Everyone's doing it, so it must be cool, right?First ten songs on my randomly shuffled

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-41906814766402552732007-11-16T23:48:00.000-05:002007-11-27T08:57:59.494-05:00

What can I say? I'm being lazy and there's no excuse. I said there was no Universal Truth. But here is the truth.

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-53585876830746213672007-11-14T22:14:00.000-05:002008-11-12T21:24:01.719-05:00

One problem with writing on the internet, is that it's easy to fall into the trap of writing for yourself, and forgetting that anyone can read this crap. Including your wife, your co-workers, your boss, or your priest.So here's a thing that I feel like I need to write down, but I have to be careful how I do it.Earlier this week, during casual conversation with Ironman, I mentioned some trifling

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-43397240718692375502007-10-31T10:13:00.001-04:002008-11-12T21:24:02.863-05:00

Today's office Halloween party was a huge success. Ironman and I ended up wearing the same costume. I lost the coin toss, so he's the gynecologist, and I'm the proctologist.The winner for "Best Costume" was this guy. I don't know what he's supposed to be, but anyone who can wear a washing machine all day is not someone you want to mess with:Though for my money, JimmyFallon could give him a run

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-30169903742307673292007-10-26T15:17:00.000-04:002007-10-31T10:12:17.948-04:00

The Schwarzschild radius is a characteristic radius associated with any mass, at which the escape velocity for the mass is exactly equal to the speed of light. Basically, if an object of mass m is compressed to fit inside it's Schwarzschild radius, it'll become a black hole.You may be further excited by the knowledge that the Schwarzschild radius of the Sun is about 3 centimeters, or a distance

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-37077924222010416802007-10-26T11:05:00.000-04:002007-10-26T12:49:32.015-04:00

On our way back up to work from coffee today, Ironman and I were forced to circumnavigate an inconveniently parked Canada Post truck. Ironman was vocal in his condemnation of the mailman's parking skills. I suggested we should write an angry letter.A ridiculous conversation followed: how, exactly, would one address a letter destined for the actual postal service? I proposed (probably incorrectly)

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-61896310884120522172007-10-25T11:29:00.000-04:002008-11-12T21:24:03.094-05:00

The human brain is a fucking mystery, and nowhere is this more apparent than when observing children. How can Son take such fantastic shortcuts along a chain of deductive reasoning, such dizzying leaps of logic, yet still not remember to don't put things in your mouth goddamit I've told you a thousand times!Last night, I surfed over to the excellent BoingBoing, where all my best plagiarism comes

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-61505965192220618582007-10-24T18:12:00.000-04:002007-10-24T19:46:48.808-04:00

Oh. My. God. Info-theorists and hacker-philosophers alike are creaming their jeans today at the news that a proof exists for the universality of the 2,3 Turing machine!!A Turing machine, named for Alan Turing, the prehistoric proto-geek who came up with it, is basically an abstract symbol-manipulation device (This makes you horny. I can tell).In concept, the Turing Machine theory states that a

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-17589744006115089852007-10-24T16:43:00.000-04:002008-11-12T21:24:03.337-05:00

No thoughts, no news, no feelings. Just awesomeness:

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-4469640823962732252007-10-23T18:00:00.000-04:002007-12-11T15:45:40.887-05:00

Sometimes, when I'm bored, I pick my nose. But I don't eat it. That's just gross.When I smoke in the rain, I get the hiccups.The other day, Indira (a lovely woman, who ends all her emails with "have a wonderful day") signed an office-wide email with her job title as "Human Ressources Coordinator". For some reason, I still don't really know why, I thought this misspelling was funny, and somehow

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-64327634608883541722007-10-23T14:18:00.000-04:002007-10-23T16:53:23.164-04:00

When you've figured it out, when the little light goes on in your head, you will experience a revelation so profound that you will void your bowels -- literally shit yourself -- in ecstasy. You can thank me later. Preferably from some distance downwind.Get your tin-foil hats, chillun', it's time for Krazy Konspiracy Korner! This week: Is your government developing a Top-Secret mind control device

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-60341791381862752042007-10-22T14:03:00.000-04:002007-10-22T15:24:22.020-04:00

So here we are, in the throes of Indian Native-American Summer. Neither lazy autumn, nor fully a return to the halcyon summer, and about as far from the bitter, frozen, whistling wasteland of a Montreal winter as it's possible to get. It's warm enough for shorts and sandals, but I've decided to spare you the sight of my winter-pallid legs, and hobbit-hairy toes. You can thank me later.Much

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-46663694534108676312007-10-19T17:13:00.001-04:002008-11-12T21:24:03.382-05:00

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-8413837466082641332007-10-19T16:32:00.000-04:002007-10-23T16:21:17.508-04:00

Bertrand Russel once said that the point of philosophy is to start from something so simple as to not be worth stating, and to end with something so paradoxical that no one will believe it. In Plato's Meno, the title character asks Socrates "How will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?" In other words, how can you know that you've arrived at the truth,

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-84361957250861599292007-10-18T13:51:00.000-04:002007-10-19T17:14:19.592-04:00

Wow. Just.... Wow.

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-33094079451930782612007-10-17T15:04:00.001-04:002007-10-17T15:50:22.365-04:00

Keats says "Beauty is truth, truth beauty, that is all ye know on earth, and all ye need to know". Keats, in many ways, was a genius. In many other ways his stuff is utter, utter shite. The same can be said of most of us. Literary deconstructionists and philosopher pedants like myself will try to put one over on you by suggesting that The Truth Can Sometimes Be Harsh And Disturbing, So How Is

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-13420018266340292232007-09-16T19:45:00.000-04:002007-10-23T16:22:55.351-04:00

This one thing I did once, was I used to be a member of this dinky theatre company that put on plays in church halls. Loads of fun? Check. Chance to play dress-up? Roger that. More gay than a Liberace pool party? Right on. And, like everyone else, I'm sure, I briefly entertained fantasies of doing it for a living.I longed to be one of those wide-eyed Minnesota girls, fresh off the bus to L.A.,

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-67722918188811293402007-09-14T15:30:00.000-04:002007-09-14T16:11:38.455-04:00

Buried in the warm, loamy compost of complacency, I've neglected you. But Boxer has awakened me from my blogging interregnum, and reminded me of my never-sleeping duties.The air conditioner still has it's place in my bedroom window, more as a monument to wishful thinking than pragmatism, but even I, with my limitless powers of persuasion, can only lie to myself for so long, and one day soon I'll

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-89151778193525819012007-08-07T19:46:00.000-04:002008-11-12T21:24:03.718-05:00

After grumbling and mumbling for (according to Wife) an eternity about how I need a vacation (despite, or perhaps because of, my inability to coherently explain to anyone what exactly it is I do), I finally took Friday and Monday off, and tried to relax. Since being stressed out doesn't appear to be helping my productivity, perhaps some chillaxin' would do the trick.Friday was spent taking Son to

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-33496399890916612332007-07-27T22:13:00.000-04:002008-11-12T21:24:03.822-05:00

So we stand once again on the edge of the stream of consciousness, and prepare to skip a rock across the placid waters of the mind. Prepare for unimaginable boredom.One of Zeno's paradoxes of motion is illustrated in the parable of Achilles and the Tortoise. Basically Achilles - indestructible killing machine of the Myrmidon army, hero of various engagements in the Trojan war, and all-around stud

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-23048039126148442552007-07-15T17:27:00.000-04:002008-11-12T21:24:04.044-05:00

This weekend, Wife, Son and I piled into the car and struck out to visit my parents in Corwnall, Ont. There was a local fair, with rides, fireworks, and musical extravaganzas, featuring such high-profile Canadian Has-Beens of Rock as Tom Cochrane, Sass Jordan, and April Wine. Ten bucks gets you a five-day pass, and they also have hot-air balloons! Of course we got rained on, so the balloons and

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-66747493650612844632007-07-07T09:22:00.000-04:002007-10-19T17:16:13.253-04:00

Some people find it difficult to make friends. I have been, and sometimes still am, one of those people.There are lines drawn in the desert of our interactions with others, and these lines must not be crossed. Of course, they are constantly shifting with the winds and the dunes, and what may be appropriate dinner conversation in one context will get you thrown out of the restaurant under

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-9550386761111664332007-06-28T23:58:00.000-04:002007-06-29T07:49:49.435-04:00

When the cattle died, then we were farmersWhen the drought came, then we were soldiersWhen the soldiers came, then we were slavesThe smellscopper and meatThe soundsflies and jackalsThe sights.The cyclopean sun stares downa thousand winking eyes reflected backand for this boy, my sona stone, a splash, the flies.This well is poison, like the lastthe bodies of children quartered and droppedinto that

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-79179859246348912172007-06-28T22:31:00.000-04:002007-12-06T18:12:56.464-05:00

Son has turned four. Another year has passed, too few pictures taken, too few opportunities seized, etc. The normal maudlin reflections on seeing another year's worth of road devoured on the highway to imminent death is something that seems reserved for the grown-ups. So exclusively, in fact, that I've added it to my list of indicators of adulthood. You know you're an adult when you no longer

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-86005277211197117192007-06-20T22:29:00.000-04:002007-06-20T22:39:05.982-04:00

Gentlemen, there is another solution to our little problem, but it involves......MURDER.(Click It. Mmkay?)

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-88079597795595567232007-06-16T00:00:00.000-04:002007-06-19T14:16:44.865-04:00

In science, the observer effect refers to changes effected on an observed phenomena, by the mere act of observation.For example, in order for an audience to listen to a live performance of Verdi's la traviata, they must be present in the auditorium. By virtue of the presence of all these rustling, sighing (and in my case yawning) people, the acoustics of the auditorium are altered, thereby

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-77313597966337680942007-06-13T22:49:00.000-04:002007-06-14T10:15:15.526-04:00

If you are a parent, and unless you have some magical talent with words (a gift, alas, to which I can not lay claim), you can never explain to anyone what this love, this truest thing, could possibly mean. There is simply nothing to which it can be meaningfully compared. If you're not a parent, you can never understand, and you're probably sick of hearing that. You think you've been in love, you

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-16370189757602724982007-06-11T09:11:00.000-04:002007-06-16T01:23:39.271-04:00

Friday, a sad day in Company's history. Guy I Barely Know has left, and so we all went out for a quick beer or three after work, you know, to say good-bye. Of course, during the course of these social club tea parties, I always discover things about my co-workers that makes them seem more like real people, and not hallucinations, and Friday night fit that mold nicely.It was Grand-Prix weekend in

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-13782633504125978692007-06-07T09:07:00.000-04:002007-06-07T00:20:44.340-04:00

After you were gonethe days, mocking, crawled.I wanted it to mean Everythingthen NothingBut in the end, all it meant was SomethingThe days were longyesBut the years flew by.I stopped talking (about you)then thinkingfinally dreamingThe show, they said"His best ever!"The critics, my friendsraved at how fucking brilliant I was.But I hold myself to a higher(absent)standard.And one day, I loved.Or

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-65456894317864279552007-06-06T11:17:00.000-04:002007-06-07T00:31:24.281-04:00

"Don't use words too big for the subject. Don't say 'infinitely' when you mean 'very'; otherwise you'll have no word left when you want to talk about something really infinite."-- C. S. Lewis (1898 - 1963)You're on my list, Lewis. I don't care if you're dead. I'll find you.Cognitive Dissonance is that uncomfortable feeling you get when you try to hold two contradictory thoughts or beliefs in your

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-9921765265116797292007-06-05T20:30:00.000-04:002007-06-07T00:32:14.385-04:00

Tonight, as I delivered unto the Golden One his nightly bottle of milk (he's too young to appreciate the fact that he's too old for a bottle of milk at bed-time), he yanked it roughly out of my hand, bonking Wife on the chest with it. Quick to instruct Son in proper manners (I can hear you laughing from here), words were spoken:Wife: ouch!Self (sternly): Son, say sorry to Mommy!Son (bottle in

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-52809061938340284612007-06-03T21:13:00.000-04:002007-06-05T20:02:50.255-04:00

UBC's Science Creative Quarterly is constructing a phylograph -- basically a species tree -- using Haiku as its node-expression syntax, and is looking for submissions. My favorite so far:"TyrannosaurusIs a bitch for a haikuToo many sybbles"Boxer? Are you listening?

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-41081040601515359672007-06-02T22:00:00.001-04:002007-06-07T00:28:29.099-04:00

We are playing a game right now, you and I. Have you figured out the rules yet?Global Warming. It's An Inconvenient Truth. Right-wing nutjobs aside, pretty much everyone who isn't a Creationist should by now be a believer in this phenomenon. Everyone gets it now. Greenhouse gases, CO2 emissions, carbon credits, Kyoto, recycling, &c. Probably not enough is being done, but everyone is either doing

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-91611702741091747102007-06-01T18:39:00.000-04:002007-06-06T23:55:58.325-04:00

I talk and I talk. But do I really say anything? No, Not really.When I hear the word "Darfur", I think "Tragedy". They are synonymous. So far so good. Lots of people feel the same. Except I don't really know why that is. I don't know the first thing about Darfur. I mean, supposedly there's a genocide there, right? And it's in Africa some place? Genocide is bad, so therefore Darfur is tragic. End

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-72250223014033958332007-06-01T16:22:00.000-04:002008-11-12T21:24:04.366-05:00

Well, it's official, SciFi channel has announced that next season will be the last for Battlestar Galactica. Adios Starbuck, my feminine ideal...

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-90569527228821018022007-06-01T13:23:00.000-04:002008-11-12T21:24:04.576-05:00

So the Liberal budget will pass, as we more or less knew it must. the PQ, who cannot be seen to actually agree with the liberals on anything (since they're the opposition), must instead abstain from the vote in sufficient numbers to allow the Liberals to push the budget through. Public gets tax breaks and a bit of education & health spending. Not enough to make any difference, mind you, just

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-56971384773212771472007-05-31T20:41:00.000-04:002007-06-02T23:33:49.730-04:00

This evening, Son, wriggling into his spiderman pyjamas in preparation for Dinosaurs and Dr. Seuss, voice muffled by the corner of his Winnie-the-Pooh binkie, spake unto me: "Daddy, I want to sleep in your bed".This of course was uttered in the indescribable whine that only the parents of a two-to-five-year-old can come close to appreciating. Half of you know exactly what I mean. The other half

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-435932194495113292007-05-31T16:41:00.001-04:002007-06-01T15:13:45.369-04:00

I know this has been blogged to death already, but Holy F-ing S---. That's cool, in a totally creepy kind of way.Is it too early to start referring to Google as "Big Brother"?...Too late?

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-7526276387309906022007-05-31T10:07:00.000-04:002007-06-06T23:56:27.562-04:00

The title is a Chomsky gem. A sentence which, while grammatically correct, makes no sense whatsoever (remind you of anything?).Related: Other languages don't have spelling bees, because they would be too simple. They hold grammar bees, though (cadavre exquis, anyone?). The Boxer is a grammar fiend. She subscribes to a grammar magazine, is a member of a grammar Facebook group. They have tee shirts

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-87096795231114492892007-05-31T07:39:00.001-04:002007-06-03T21:12:58.604-04:00

Son looks at meand I love him.Wife waits for meand I love her.You don't speak to medon't see medon't know meand I love you.

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2929663254062390845.post-66148542546076168032007-05-30T19:22:00.000-04:002008-11-12T21:24:04.733-05:00

And so it begins anew. Except it's not really new, and it's not beginning. Forever, since before the word "blog" even existed, back in the days of slashdot and kuro5hin, I've excreted more blogs -- Not blog posts, mind you, but individual blogs -- than I can count. A chronic serial blogger, I would start one, make one or two inconsequential posts, then, spent from the sisyphean effort of

Cool Ranch Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01893737124521598811noreply@blogger.com0