Welcome! To the World of TOMORROW!

In the lead-up to xmas, I could see the fever of avarice burning like a cinder behind my spawn's eyes, alongside the twin spark of Christmas Magic. On the one hand, this was a season of joy and love, and decorations, and angels, and Baby Jesus, etc. On the other hand, PRESENTS! I WANT MORE PRESENTS! WILL WE HAVE MORE PRESENTS TOMORROW DADDY? It was this promise of Christmas Magic, brought to you by the good people at Toys "r" Us, that put me in mind of all the promises-of-a-brighter-tomorrow that we've been fed over the years. Or maybe it was too much listening to Obama.

Retro-futurism has always sort of fascinated me. Well, to the extent that I pretend to be fascinated by any one thing, for purposes of blogging. It's 2009. We're living in the fucking future right now. So why is everyone still waiting for their flying cars? Their personal robot maids? Their jet-powered roller blades?

What nostalgia-for-futures-lost powers this endless undercurrent of proto-optimism? I can remember that beautiful hover-car like it was yesterday. Or tomorrow. Or something. The sleek lines, all that gleaming chrome. The promise of a brighter, antimatter-powered future. It seemed to stand in for all the things that I hoped and dreamed of for myself, my family, and humankind in general (as much as I loathe humankind).

I didn't really want to blog about this, but then there was that other blog post, and I can't go and delete it, because it's, you know... out there now, and that would be editorially inconsistent or something. So here, by way of retroactive cancellation of my previous crowing, is the anti-announcement: That whole pregnancy thing... didn't really work out.

And that's all I really want to say about that.

Hole in One!

Huh. Yeah, it's been a while, and it's likely to be another while, or maybe even two. So here's the bullet points - the highlights, if you will - of my Awesome Rise To Power (as foretold in revelations, movie rights optioned to Universal):

- Wife is pregnant. Which is AWESOME. Well, it's awesome for me, but she's going through hell. Hospitals and everything. So I guess it kind of blows. I'm conflicted.
- Yesterday was my 35th birthday, and it sucked. I worked an eighteen hour day and got no presents. Was supposed to do breakfast with The Boxer, but it didn't pan out due to unreasonable amounts of snow.
- Ironman moved to the West wing of PerpetualStartup, and now I work for Obelix. So far, so (mostly) good, but the workload is killing me.
- I haven't started my xmas shopping. And yes, I use "xmas" in the ironic sense, intended to piss off Christians (or "Xtians", as I like to refer to them). Spread the holiday cheer.

These are the dark times, the calm before the storm, the darkest before the dawn. I am become death, destroyer of morale, a horseman of the apocalypse.

But, like, on a bike. Horses are expensive, apparantly.

...but delicious.

Speaking of delicious, Ironman treated me to a birthday risotto at Bueno Notte this noon. Yum.

And that's the nutshell. I know I'm forgetting something (natch), but whatever. It can wait until next fiscal quarter, when the terms of my release dictate I must once again blog what passes for my thoughts, fodder for the brave brave souls of Homeland Security surveillance units everywhere.

The question for you to ponder over the course of these arctic frigid freezing windblown arid icy killing months of perpetual darkness: Zombies vs. Vampires. If a zombie bites a vampire, the vampire will turn into a Zombie Vampire. But if a vampire bites a zombie, the zombie will turn into a Vampire Zombie. In the end, no one wins, and everyone is twice as hungry as before. This is a maquette of the futility of war.

You're welcome.

And so, in the spirit of the holidays, I bid you a cheery Kwanza, and a happy new year. Wait... Is that mistletoe?




....hey, where are you going?