Things You Assume You Know, But Don't Really

Friday, a sad day in Company's history. Guy I Barely Know has left, and so we all went out for a quick beer or three after work, you know, to say good-bye. Of course, during the course of these social club tea parties, I always discover things about my co-workers that makes them seem more like real people, and not hallucinations, and Friday night fit that mold nicely.

It was Grand-Prix weekend in Montreal, so of course all the waitresses were either a) replaced with off-duty strippers, or b) dressed in painted-on Molson Dry outfits that left nothing to the imagination. Our waitress appeared to be of the latter variety, and let me just say: Bravo. I and my dozen-or-so compatriot bargoers (mostly male) spent some time creatively ogling the waitress, but trying not to, you know, make her uncomfortable (or any more uncomfortable than that outfit was already making her).

At some point, Lipstick showed up to mitigate the sausage-fest. We eagerly pointed out to her the object of our collective desire, and she was suitably impressed, quipping "Wow, yes indeedy, that's some nice titty action".

Nice. Titty. Action.

Before I go any further here, let me back up a bit and mention that Lipstick is gay (and gorgeous), and so, we figured, in a unique position to appreciate the feminine charms of our appointed hostess, as well as point out other less obvious charms that we, as knuckle-dragging males, might have overlooked. So it was a bit of a surprise to go from our polite male conversation of "wow, she's really beautiful", "good from any angle", "nice cheekbones", etc. to "Nice titties".

I'm not sure what I was expecting, and maybe it wasn't fair to put her on the spot like that, but what I think happened is that she said what we were all thinking, instead of what we were all saying.

Girls, you think you know what men say when you're not around. But you really don't. And at this point I think it's safe to assume the opposite as well. Hate to break it to you, guys, but when we're not around, the attractive women are probably not having pillow fights in their skivvies.

Opportunities to re-examine the stereotypes we hold so dear (e.g.: knuckle-dragging males, dainty and polite females, baby-eating republicans, etc.) are few and far between (unless you seek them out), and when the occasion presents itself, we are duty-bound to exploit it. What other cliché stereotypes are we wrong about? All of them?

Probably.